Polyamory has massively changed my life for the better. Monogamy is so widely accepted we might think that it’s the natural way things are. We are creators and have the ability to live our lives any way we want. We might still have cultural norms to fight against, but we can choose other ways of living if we want.
So we need not be confined to what society shows us through its history, through its media, and through its culture is the way things should be. Sometimes the automatic autopilot of beliefs that are implanted on us are not in your best interest given what you want to achieve in life.
I strive for greater truth, love, compassion, strength and flexibility in my life. There comes a time when beliefs become limiting and they must be taken off in order to keep progressing. Each person is different. Some people might gain just as much as I gain from polyamory as they do from monogamy, thats totally possible. I’m not here to say that everyone should switch and be poly, like poly is some sort of silver bullet. Rather I just want to show you that there is another way possible, another choice that should be respected just as we respect people who do karate and we respect people who weight train for exercise. They are two choices, and choosing one doesn’t make you any better than choosing the other.
But the key is that you make informed choices in your life. That you are in fact creating your life and not living on auto-pilot based on other peoples beliefs or just the normal way of doing things. The more informed you are the better decisions you can make in your life.
So if anything we should take away from this is that polyamory is a valid choice and we should all respect each other for our choices. Let us strive to become more informed in our lives so that we can make better choices to reach our goals.
OK then, so what is polyamory? How has it affected me?
Polyamory literally means many loves. It’s really just that, having in your life many loves at the same time. Many relationships at the same time, usually sexual but not necessarily. Polyamory isn’t cheating, polyamory is about being honest and ethical. Everyone knows about everyone here. So of course polyamory leads to a lot of talking, a lot of sharing. I’m also a fan of Polyamory without rules.
Polyamory has helped me get in touch with myself, to understand my emotions and to understand where they are coming from. It has helped me voice those emotions to myself, and heal myself via this process. Poly has helped me develop my communication skills, it has helped me speak my needs and desires in a direct way. Poly has taught me how to listen to others and not just wait my turn to talk. Poly has taught me how to really connect with someone and be present with someone. Because, time, time is our most important and precious commodity, and I think we are even more keen to this fact when poly, because we have to make sure our time used is time well spent. After all we don’t have infinite time with someone, and this is very clear when you have more than one lover.
For me poly has created a huge abundance of experiences in my life. You can (and will) find yourself in the most amazing situations that are just not possible in mono relationships. My connections with people have become stronger, I want to get to know people so much deeper and more than before. I no longer think about people as “everyone else that isn’t my partner”, there is EVERYONE and everyone is so amazing I want to connect with them all.
There is so much experience to be had, so many different combinations of things that can happen, its rather limitless if you start to think about it. This is a big reason why I like being Poly so much, it gives me so much freedom to experience so many amazing things and combinations I never knew even possible. It has literally opened a whole new world of possibilities for me.
But of course all of this goodness does take work. I have found myself working big time on jealousy (yeah, big time). I have been working on how to communicate better, and so many other little things about myself that I have wanted to grow better in. In my experience it is much easier to be mono that is poly. But I enjoy the challenge, I like growth, I like change. I would be lying if I said being Poly was easy, its not easy. But I do completely feel that for all its work the benefits greatly outweigh the amount of work you have to put in, I feel like it pays off 100 times over.
Poly doesn’t really bring certainty into your relationships either. Not in the normal way mono people think about relationships. Paradoxically poly does seems to bring certainty not to relationships, but the fruit of relationships, what we really want from relationships in the end. Love, Connection, Trust, these things are all there in my polyamorous relationships, big time, maybe bigger than ever for me. But I can’t be certain where they will come from, there is no one partner anymore that I can expect these things from.
Basically, the more I give the more I get with poly. The more I’m open and care about others the more I get that energy back. And being poly allows me to do that, it allows me to give more so that I may get more, and thats an amazing thing.
I don’t believe that meditation has a goal, it has no purpose. Yet I believe that meditation is one of the most beneficial things that I can do for myself. I strive to meditate everyday and when I do I notice that my overall wellbeing improves.
Goals in meditation kind of defeat the purpose of meditation. I find I have the “best” meditations when I’m not trying to do anything at all, when I have no goal. The times when I have meditated with a goal I have noticed that those times didn’t produce the best meditations. Some buddhist traditions call the “beginners mind” the best mind to have for meditation. The beginners mind isn’t trying for anything, it just sits and meditates, it doesn’t have any ideas yet of what its trying to accomplish, it hasn’t had the time to formulate a goal for meditation, its a novel thing, so it just does.
This reminds me of a quote from Ajahn Chah that goes something like “When you first start you are hurring forward, when you are in the middle you are hurring back and when you are near the end you are happy where you are.” I think meditation is very much like that, when you set goals for your meditations you might not get the most benefit out of your meditation.
All of that said, I would still like to talk about one of the benefits of meditation. Meditation helps me be more in tune with my feelings and body. In the past when I wasn’t meditating so much I would be more prone to not listen to my feelings. When I’m not aware of what me body is telling me I would be more prone to just do whatever it is that I was doing no matter how it felt, I was much less in control of my destiny, just going about my day like a log in the ocean, no real direction. But the more I meditate the more I come to pay attention to my feelings and allow them to guide me, and the more I feel I have direction, I have choice in my life.
When I base my actions on how I feel I notice that I usually feel much better in the long run. Its like my body knows the best route for me and I just have to follow it, yet sometimes my mind or other things around me persuade me to do other things. Usually when i’m not following my feelings I’m not that happy. This process of learning to follow my heart, I think is an amazingly beautiful and personal process, and one that will lead me to greater and greater joy, and it is most helped by meditation.
It should be of no shock that meditation helps one become more aware. What exactly you become aware of is the most amazing thing. For me it is more and more the knowledge of what it is that I should be doing, what I should be focusing on or how I should be spending my time. It is the knowledge of my feelings that guide me, and it is from my meditation that I am sensitive enough to hear them. My feelings become my guide because I am aware of them, and I allow them to guide me as through my day, how can I not when they are so clear?
This is one of the main reasons that I keep meditation around in my life; to become more connected to myself, to become more aware of my inner feelings. By becoming more aware I am able to follow my the guidance of my feelings. This gives me immense joy.
The words we use everyday shape your vibration, they shape our world. When we use words that are negative the world around us will be negative. If your words are neutral your world is neutral, if your words are positive then your world is positive.
Your words are literally vibrations that effect the environment around you, for something that we all do all the time we will do the best when our words are the best. The words you use constantly send energy vibrations through your environment. The meanings of the words matter, as does the tone of the words we use. If we use positive meaning words but have a negative tone, they are not going to help us much.
It keeps getting more and more subtle, all the way to our thoughts. In fact it is our thoughts in which our words manifest, they are the seed of our words and are the prime creative energy in which we create our reality, and it is from our thoughts that our words come.
Our words are like slowed down thoughts, they are a little more physical a little more “real” in that sense. And like anything that has more mass, words have more inertia behind them. So it can be harder to change our habits with our words. It really takes a change in the habits of our thoughts, but sometimes our thoughts are so fast and elusive that it can be easier to notice our words and begin to change them there, by making the intention to change the habit of our words we will begin to change the habit of our thoughts to match. Though changing your thought habits through forms meditation are a great way of changing your word patterns.
Our words are important in shaping the world around us. We manifest that which we talk about. One way or another what we are always talking about will manifest around us.
Why does this happen? Why do words have such a huge impact on our world? Because the more we say something the more we are alike it, we are alike it because we begin to believe that which we constantly tell ourselves and others around us. The more we believe it the more we start to vibrate on the same level as that which we are believing. We start to become that which we believe and we start to believe that which we say. This all comes down to the most basic rule of the universe: like attracts like.
You attract more of that same energy vibration into your life that you constantly speak. Notice the energy vibration of your speech. How is your speech effecting the world around you. Is it making you feel good? Is it bringing in good things to your life? Notice the words that you use and how they make you feel.
Some words are more effective than other words. Personal, Direct, Positive, Concise, Clear, Specific, Emotional words are superior.
When we speak, when we write, we will use words that have a positive direct impact on ourselves and our world.
What is your primary emotion you are living life from? Is it fear based or love based? Are you making your choices based on your love or based on your fear?
A growing number of people today are beginning to live their lives from a place of love. Not doing what they don’t like but doing what they do in fact like.
It seems simple but most people live their lives doing what they think they have to do out of fear. Fear that they won’t have enough money- fear that they will be fat- fear that they won’t be loved- fear motivates them.
Your primary motivation is important because it dictates your state of being- your overall energy that you put into something. First of all when you do something out of fear it’s just not going to produce the same results as if you did it out of love- the fear based action simply won’t be that good- this should be obvious why.
Secondly when you are making your decisions from fear you are bound not to feel that good because you are afraid- it doesn’t feel good to be afraid this creates stress in the mind and body and leads to degeneration and unhappiness.
Thirdly- and most important- decisions made from fear hold you back from your true purpose on this earth. Your true purpose are decisions made from love and ultimately help the betterment of all of mankind. True abundance and happiness comes to us when we start to make our decisions from a place of love.
When you do what you do not because you are scared of what might happen if you don’t but because you are overjoyed with the idea of actually doing it then you are living a life of joy. You will be happy- abundant and the whole world will benefit.
So right now tap into your volition in this moment- are you acting out of fear or are you acting out of love?
Fear ultimately brings death. Love ultimately brings life.
Death doesn’t have to be unhappy though- one can transcend fear and love and reach a plane of non-duality where everything just is- perfect as it is- and there is no consequence of the primary emotion on the happiness of the being. This is peace. Fear doesn’t have to cause stress. This is mastery of the mind. From this state actions simply arise.
Science thinks that it can create objectivity- but it can’t. No matter what there are always other influences acting upon the study of science. Science thinks that it can take everything into account- but it can never completely isolate everything.This is why all science is mostly just a numbers game- they figure that if they have enough data that matches a specific pattern then they have a pattern that is true.
Test- test- test- and aggregate the results.
But what better do we have? Science is trying to understand the world around us by taking it apart. By studying the outside. But this method is slow- tedious- and never fully correct. There is really only one way to completely understand the world- and that is to turn within.
From inside all the mysteries of the world become clear. All the problems of science become solved. A new technology will then come about- one that does not depend on external things- but one that is concerned with internal things.
All our external technology- like computers- cars- etc- will be like that of childs play once we begin to master our internal technology. In fact our external technology is just trying to mirror us what already exists internally.
Cell phones are just a mirror of all our innate ability to communicate with anyone on the earth at any time through our own internal power.
The internet is an external manifestation of all of our complete interconnectedness- and our ability to access the whole of all of history at any time.
But this switch will take some time. Science will need to shift its focus from the external to the internal. And this switch is happening- in physics for example the importance of the observer is key to quantum mechanics.
We can start the new technology by first asking ourselves- what is actually internal? What is internal? What is external?
Questions like these make me want to stop writing and start meditating. Because I don’t believe that that question can be answered in words. Words always leave questions unanswered. Meditation seems to be the only place I get a solid understanding of what I am questioning on. For it is in meditation that I experience the answer.
I believe that the new science will not be one of endless tests and words- but one of meditation and experience.
We will quickly reach technological heights only before dreamed about- once mankind begins to stop dissecting the world outside- quiets down- and starts to look inside.
What is choice? Do you feel you have choice? Is choice really alive in you- or do you feel like your just kinda walking through life in a half awake state- kinda choosing things but mostly just following the rules?
Most of us go about our days in a haze of half choice- not really choosing in the deepest sense of word. We are to locked in by our rules- rules we have inherited from teachers- governments and mostly rules we have told our self about who we are.
Most of us have pretty defined days where we wake up around the same time- do pretty much the same thing for work come home and do pretty same night time things and finally go to sleep. Finally sleep- yes sleep- that is where the soul can be free of the choice-less monotony of everyday life and do some real choosing. There is a difference between living a life where the only choices you make each day is weather to eat a Cesar salad or a veggie salad- or weather to watch channel 11 or channel 7 on TV tonight. This isn’t choice this is sleep walking.
We can live our lives in full choice and our souls can sing in choice all day if we allow ourselves to relax into it.
Relax into what? Relax into the knowingness that everything is OK- that you don’t need to be doing anything- you don’t need to have anything- and that there are no ultimate restrictions placed on you. The only restrictions placed on you are the ones that you put there yourself.
For some people- myself included- this sounds a bit hard to do; completely let go and relax… What about my bills- my food- my agreements- my- my- my you name it. I think that’s why its good to start integrating more choice in your life slowly. You might want to try experimenting with this for about a half hour a day- or maybe more.
Begin to allow yourself to just be- to start to float in real choice. Allow yourself to be your deepest choice for a bit each day. And see how things start to change in your life- see what happens to all those things that keep you from really letting go into full choice all the time. Just try it out- and see how it works.
Real choice. Its a beautiful thing. Dwell in it. Become it. Watch Truth.
Most of humanity suffers from neurosis- it’s ubiquity causes it no investigation.
Yet we can live a far happier- peaceful- and fulfilling existence free of our never ending thoughts- our neurosis. For it is our never ending thoughts which are the root cause of the vast majority of our suffering.
To try and escape the mind by using the mind is impossible. We must change the ways we understand and relate to the world. One that deemphasizes words and emphasizes presentness.
When we begin to relate to the world through presence instead of through words we begin to transcend the mind- and we begin to experience a peace- a happiness- that is truly untouchable.
When you create value you create wealth for yourself. The must sustainable- joyful- and enjoyable way to create material wealth for yourself is to provide value to others. Real lasting value creates real lasting wealth.
Subconsciously many of us misrepresent the real value of our work- sometimes making our work seem more valuable than it is and sometimes making our work seem less valuable than it is- we don’t mean to do this- we have been taught to do this.
We see this misrepresentation of value everywhere in our culture and nowhere is it more apparent than in advertising. Value is hugely misinterpreted in this culture- in fact its quite a problem- such a problem that we begin to value things that have no real value at all- like designer jeans over our water or food quality. Its quite amazing to me that people are on a whole these days more willing to pay for expensive brand name jeans than they are are for organic food.
But I have always been a proponent of leading by example- and instead of telling people what they should or should not value- I think the better thing that we can all do- and the honestly the more joyful and lucrative thing to do is provide as much real value as possible to as many people as possible. When we provide real value we start to dissipate all the unreal value out there. By providing real value the world has that much more- and soon the real value in the world becomes more than the unreal value.
So when we start to really follow our heart an do what we believe is valuable- and not what others have told us- or what we have been taught is valuable- but what we really feel is valuable the better the world becomes and the more wealth flows to us.
The more real value we create the more real wealth flows to us. Real wealth can be a lot of things- its money- happiness- friendships- health. Real wealth is richness in life in all realms- not just monetary. Real wealth is far better than a large bank account- and it doesn’t necessitate a large bank account- but there is probably one there anyways. Really we all want real wealth- we don’t really care about the size of the bank account- we really want real wealth in our lives.
Real wealth comes when we provide real value.
- How to create massive amounts of abundance in your life
People might say that getting things make them happy- and they probably do- for a moment. But what I have found is that what people are really after; beyond getting a job- finding a date- having perfect health- is to directly experience truth- to have experiential connection to their source. Direct experience of truth beyond concept; this is what we all strive for if we know it or not.
But what the heck is direct experience of truth? Sometimes I describe it by the feeling I get when I am in it; I feel like what I am doing is OK- deeeply I feel like I am taken care of. I feel like everything is taken care of- no worries on the deepest level- there is no need to even think anything it because everything is so solid- its all feels very taken care of- its beyond OK. With that comes this deep feeling of OKness- a feeling like I don’t need to worry about anything- I don’t have to think anymore- its taken care of. All my actions feel guided as if I’m not even doing them- they just happen- and life is amazingly synchronistic and beautiful- there is no fighting- there is no stress.
Sometimes- through grace- I find myself in this state- and I notice the type of impact I have on people when I am in this state- its quite profound. Sometimes I go in and out pretty fast. Like i’ll be talking to a friend and giving advice they can do to improve their life- very logical sound stuff- but somewhat bland standard stuff- we all know it.
But then a profound moment arises and I realize how this stuff doesn’t mean anything- and I drop something deep like “you know this matrix we live in is all just concepts and is inherently meaningless- the only thing that matters is you being here now-” or something- and it tends to bring some deep peace and healing. To connect with deep truth even for a second can be very healing- its this feeling of OKness- its quite profound. It makes everyone feel better.
We connect with truth- no matter who we are or what we are doing the more true something is the more we will connect to it. We don’t have to argue for the truth- its apparent just as it is. The truth is felt- we know it when we feel it. Sometimes we go awhile without having much deep connection to truth- and life at that point- in my opinion is kinda bland- but when you start experiencing more and more deeper truth- life becomes very rich- very rewarding.
Truth is what we really want. Getting things is fun- but getting Truth is a lot more fun.
- Finding Deep Happiness Now
Money is a lot like language. Money- like words- have no intrinsic value. Money and words are a means to an end- an agreed upon convention that have no real value in and of themselves out of the context of our culture. Problems form when we start to give money or words intrinsic value as if the money or the words had real value.
Words have no real value. Our life is so so much more than any word combination we could ever give to explain it. Every moment is so amazingly rich that no poet could ever describe the absolute bliss that is being alive- nor should they try. Words only take one away from the beauty of experiencing the moment- abstracting Truth to man made arbitrary boundaries mired in cultural history.
Truth is now- beyond your words- for it it exists now. Tap into truth now and experience it without the clutter of your history.
- Beyond words is peace